Living Under The Shadows
Many of you who are close to me have heard me say a lot. That “I wanted to start a blog but don’t know what to blog about.” Blogging has always been an intense passion of mine for over 5+ years now. Until a few months ago, the thought kept coming up in my head. “Oh, maybe I should start by telling my story.” I was like, “there is no way I’m doing that culturally where I’m from (Jamaica) that’s called (telling people your business), and we don’t do that.
“The whole world will know your business, girl; you cannot do that.” I truly felt like Moses was trying to talk God out of sending him to Egypt to deliver the Israelites, LOL. Years and years of emotional scars swept underneath the rugs will come to light. But then I said “no” to making a difference in others’ lives facing similar issues. I have to share my story because the good outweighs the bad. And my account will change people’s lives. Telling my story is also a part of my healing process.
I struggled with having no self-confidence; I always thought that I was not smart or good enough. My accent was horrible, or I was not fluent enough with my words. So, I would avoid engaging in conversations. (Now I don’t know when to shut up ) . I’ve tried so hard to get rid of my accent.
There were times when I asked God why I’ve been in this country for so long and still have this horrible accent. Even though people would comment on how beautiful my accent is, to myself, I didn’t believe them, but I would be polite and say “thank you.” But, I had doubts because of my lack of self-confidence.
There were times when I would avoid talking to people or even engaging in conversations because I didn’t like my accent. Having a conversation with someone was very difficult for me to do. Because I couldn’t look into the person’s face, I would look away.
I struggled with shyness and timidness; I would be too embarrassed to speak up, say something, or even ask questions. As a result, I was very cautious about everything I did and didn’t like to take risks.
Living with social anxiety
Living with social anxiety made me nervous, and sweaty; my heart would beat very fast, or my mind would go blank if I had to perform or were called on to give an opinion, presentation, or an answer.
Going on job interviews would be a nightmare for days; I’ve had sleepless, restless nights. My throat would lump up; I was fearful that my answers would be incorrect, or I wouldn’t know what to say or even remember what to say because I was so focused on not failing.
Meeting authority figures or seeing people I thought were seen as more important than I am would make my heart beat very fast, and I would be lost for words.
The thought of me sitting around in a room full of people waiting to introduce myself would raise my anxiety level.
I also cared too much about what people thought about me so that I would put their feelings before mine. I rarely gave an honest opinion; instead, I would agree with or follow the views of others. (People pleasing is the worst way to live our lives; we’ll never be happy ) . I was not being authentic, not being the Chevette that God created me to be. “If we lose our authenticity, we lose ourselves.”
I spent so long hiding behind self-doubt and the expectation of others. There were times when I would downplay my opinion because I didn’t want to explain myself.
I blamed my past and parents for what I didn’t get or what I didn’t have. There were times when I wished I had wealthy parents or that my parents were different. However, I never used to take ownership of my failures. Instead, I would blame my upbringing for my shortcomings. “If my parents were better parents, more supported, were there, I would’ve for sure, turned out differently.” For many, many years, I carried this around. Blaming my parents for not being there for me made me angry and bitter for many years.
Guilt would consume me. I threw the pity party a lot, “poor me.” I couldn’t do anything right. I used to feel like a complete failure like I couldn’t achieve anything. Sometimes, I would be so depressed for days from just thinking about how unfair my life was.
I would be so sick and mentally tired and drained for days of my life. Imagine getting up every day, and the first thing you do is an eye roll and then say: “not another day.” (Because I had no purpose for my life). That was how I used to live my life, “so ungrateful.” Like Bishop T.D. Jakes said, “If you’re not gonna make use of your day, you might as well give It to someone else who will.”
Breaking The Stronghold Of My Limited Beliefs System
For most of my life, I’ve lived with the stronghold of the limited belief systems. Living with a limited mindset made me perform below capacity and prevented me from living up to my fullest potential because of the low standards that I set for my life.
The limited mindset belief system
Whenever things got challenging, I would give up and no longer pursue them. So I never threw my whole self at anything. Sometimes I wouldn’t even attempt the task because I knew I would fail at it anyway, “so why bother to try.” Everything in life was just too difficult to accomplish in my book. So I’ve always thought that other people were fighting against me. Or it was the will of God for me not to be able to accomplish or do certain things.
The self- judgmental limited beliefs
I inflicted self-judgment and negative thoughts on myself by believing that. Therefore, I was not qualified to live in specific neighborhoods. “They will never like, accept, or give me a chance because I didn’t have the right background, qualification, or education. So I would see my life as inferior to other people’s life. So, I never evolved beyond the measure that I set. I then resorted to the wishing-well- lifestyle.
The wishing-well limited mindset
I wished for a better life. That I was as brilliant as other people or would have the same opportunity they have, I thought God had put something special inside of them, and I was short-changed in the creative department of brilliantness. Wishing I had more confidence, and joy, was happier, I was more talented and more successful. Wishing I would wake up in a better mode, have more energy, be more productive in my day, or make better choices in my life.
The wishing-well-life “Is getting up every day wishing, hoping, and praying that things will change and get better.” and doing nothing to change the situation. So, I got up every day, setting myself up to live this disastrous limited beliefs system lifestyle.
“But then finally, I got sick and tired of living with this limited mindset belief system and thought that there got to be another way of living life instead, of sitting around and wasting my life away.” So then I started seeking help, asking questions, and for clarification.”
Breaking the stronghold of my limiting Belief system, I started.
Asking for help:
I finally sought help from mentorship, training, and research on relinquishing this limited belief mindset thinking. I then started to push myself out of my comfort zone by setting small goals to achieve the thing to get me toward the accomplishment that I’m seeking, pushing past discomfort to meet my goals, learning new things, and embracing challenges. I picked up successful habits from role models and learned from the failures in my life. Ask me what could I have done differently so that I don’t repeat these mistakes? What are some lessons I’ve learned from having the stronghold of these limitations in my life? Yes, I celebrated my small achievements along the way by rewarding myself and recognizing my hard work to overcome these limited thoughts.
A limited mindset belief system can be broken off of anyone’s life. Every day you live with a limited or fixed mindset belief system. You’re delaying your destiny and purpose in this life. It is also preventing and derailing you from getting to your expected places. If you’re to fulfill your purpose and live a wholesome and fulfilled life, you’ve got to break these limitations.
Ways to break the limiting mindset belief system:
- Leave your comfort zone: Step into the unknown and unfamiliar communicate with people who are more advanced than you, and make it a priority to learn something new every day. https://connectionsparadise.com/stretch-beyond-your-comfort-zone/
- Believe in yourself: Start by setting small goals; stay consistent; when you accomplish a goal, your self-confidence will grow. And it will help you to believe that you can do anything that you condition your mind to do.
- Stop blaming your shortcomings, situations, or circumstances: Blame doesn’t fix anything; instead, take ownership and hold yourself accountable for fixing, improving in those areas, and transforming your thinking.
How I Transformed My Life
I started to allow God to manifest, work, and transform my life by spending time with him and meditating on his words through my daily devotions. I also worked very hard pushing myself out of my comfort zone to figure out who I was and what I wanted out of life.
I started to transform my limiting beliefs mindset into a growth mindset. And I’ve discovered that I was not born to live a mediocrity life but a life that brings forth fulfillment, joy, happiness, and abundance to serve and help others. And that I didn’t have to live with these limitations anymore.
I began to deal with blame, guilt, timidness, shyness, people-pleasing, limited thinking, social anxiety, and low self-confidence. As a result, I’ve transformed my life.
How I transformed my unhappiness:
By focusing my energy and time on things that I could do in my life—not looking to situations, finances, circumstances, or people around me to make me happy. Instead, I choose to be satisfied by doing the things that I love—finding joy in the things that I do on a day-to-day basis. https://billhigh.com/faith/how-do-you-define-joy/
How I transformed shyness and timidness:
I started reading books and articles, doing research, and educating myself on overcoming these limitations. And I’ve learned how to push past my fear of uncomfortableness and insecurities and began asking questions, engaging in conversations, and speaking up for myself. As a result, I’ve learned to be bold, courageous, and take risks.
I forgave myself and others:
After struggling with unforgiveness toward myself, my parents, and others for most of my life. I listened to faith-based sermons and podcasts, studied God’s word, and talked to mentors about unforgiveness. As a result, my understanding of how lousy unforgiveness is has been enlightened. And forgiveness is a way to start with a clean slate. I’ve received forgiveness for myself and have forgiven my parents and others.
Studies have found that unforgiveness affects our physical, mental, and emotional health. And that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for our health. Lowering the risk of heart attack, improving cholesterol levels, sleep, reducing pain, blood pressure, levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/memberarticles/unforgiveness-and-your-health
I stopped living in guilt:
I let go of self-condemnation, past regret, and mistakes. Instead, putting things into perspective, create a vision for myself, and remain grounded in the present.
I stopped being a people-pleaser:
Instead, I stopped putting myself down to please others, and I started saying, “NO.” Taking a stand to stop holding others high in esteem and being easily swayed by the opinions of others to having my conviction. I started believing in myself and knowing my self-worth to achieve anything that I desired. And that I’m worthy.
How I transformed my limitations:
I surround myself with supportive, positive-thinking people who inspire and motivate me to grow and think on a deeper level. I hold myself accountable to step out of my comfort zone.
I Invested in myself and became more confident:
I read books (book gallery), listened to Podcasts (Power Forward Success Stories) and Glassdoor In Pursuit, consistently learned new things and made better choices in my decisions. Set daily goals and took action on them; discovered my purpose in life, and learned to tap into my passion https://connectionprod.wpengine.com/book-gallery/
Transforming blame and changing my mindset:
I released all blame and took responsibility and ownership for my wrongdoings, mess-ups, failures, and disappointments. I held myself accountable to learn from experiences to not repeat past mistakes. I’ve accepted that my past cannot be changed and that I can move on to a bigger, brighter, and better future.
Transforming social anxiety into power:
I Grabbed hold of negative and irrational thoughts of being judged, constant fear of embarrassing myself when I speak, and lingering negative thoughts of failure in upcoming events and after engagements.
I used Positive Daily Affirmations, writing them down and reciting them every day to transform a limiting mindset into a growth mindset. Next, I started taking small baby steps to start doing the things that held me back. Gradually, I became more confident in doing them. Then I started believing in myself (from “I’m not enough, to I’m amazing, capable, and extraordinary”).
And “I’m far more capable of what I give myself credit for” that I was born to manifest God’s glory and goodness—expecting excellent and favorable results in the things that I do.
I’m grateful that God has helped me overcome many obstacles to wake up every day to this beautiful transformed life with a purpose and walking into my true calling to help you with your transformation. It’s just a remarkable experience, I look in the mirror every day with so much gratitude, and I barely recognize this new me. I’m more grateful for my family, health, and remarkable supportive friends; I’m thankful for my mentors, people who continue to inspire, motivate and push me.
I stopped comparing myself:
I’ve become confident enough to run my race, embracing my imperfections and uniqueness. I am owning all the different unique parts that make me me, focusing my time and energy on my life and not on the life of others. Focus on my journey and know that everyone’s journey looks different.
And that’s what transformation is creating this beautiful life from the inside out, just from where you’re right now, not waiting for the perfect time that may never come.
Let me help you create this extraordinary, purpose-filled unrecognizable life that you’ve always dreamed of.
A Transformed mindset is achievable for everyone:
- The first step is accepting yourself and your flaws.
- Brake the habit of feeling insecure, envious, and discontent in your life.
- Becoming aware of your triggers.
- Focus on your strengths, not your weakness.
- Count your blessings.
- Stop knocking others down.
- Focus on your journey
- Learn to love and accept others.
- Focus on your life and don’t spend energy on the lives of others.
- Don’t look at the achievements and blessings of other people and be envious of them.